Family violence after COVID: Understanding coercive relationships

Some asides

1. Some psychiatrists proffer the explanation that these women who stay must be masochistic. The misogynistic concept of masochism still haunts the halls of psychiatry. It is usually offered as a way to dismiss these women’s concerns.

2. One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply “do not seem like abusers.” They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the initial period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So, when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it may not occur to her that her partner is an abuser. Even if she does consider her partner to be overly controlling, others may question her perception.

3. Neutrality in family courts is systemic sexism/misogyny. When it comes to domestic violence, family courts tend to split the difference. Stephanie Brandt, MD, notes that even after decades, mental health professionals often have an extremely superficial and outdated view of what comprises domestic violence. The assumption that it is violence alone that matters has formed the basis of much clinical and legal confusion.⁷ As an analyst, she has gone against the grain of a favored neutrality and become active in the courts, noting the secondary victimization that occurs when a woman enters the legal system.

In summary, psychiatrists must reclaim our expertise in systemic dynamics and point out the role of systemic misogyny. Justices and other court officials need to be educated. Ideally, justice should be based on the equality of men and women in a society free of systemic misogyny. Unfortunately our society has not yet reached this position. In the meanwhile, we must think systemically about interpersonal dynamics. This is our lane. This should not be controversial.

Dr. Heru is professor of psychiatry at the University of Colorado at Denver, Aurora. She is editor of “Working With Families in Medical Settings: A Multidisciplinary Guide for Psychiatrists and Other Health Professionals” (New York: Routledge, 2013). She has no conflicts of interest to disclose. Contact Dr. Heru at alisonheru@gmail.com. Dr. Heru would like to thank Dr. Stephanie Brandt for discussing this topic with her and supporting this work.

References

1. Ellyatt H. Arguing with your partner over Covid? You’re not alone, with the pandemic straining many relationships. 2022 Jan 21. https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/21/covid-has-put-pressures-and-strains-on-relationships.html

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3. Dorahy MJ. J Trauma Dissociation. 2017 May-Jun;18(3):383-96. doi: 10.1080/15299732.2017.1295422.

4. Dutton DG and Painter SL. Victimology. 1981 Jan;6(1):139-55.

5. Sachs A. J Trauma Dissociation. 2017 May-Jun;18(3):319-39. doi: 10.1080/15299732.2017.1295400.

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7. Brandt S and Rudden M. Int J Appl Psychoanal Studies. 2020 Sept;17(3):215-31. doi: 10.1002/aps.1671.