I have been noticing “jokes” lately about doctors. Magazine cartoons depict doctors as conveying a bad prognosis in abrupt, indirect, vague ways. I remember, from medical school, the joke about pediatricians being doctors for patients “from the waist up” – wimps about tough topics such as sexuality. As an inherently shy person, I have appreciated the structure of the contractual relationship with families that both gives me permission and requires me to be direct about topics that would not be socially acceptable to discuss in other relationships.
Examples include our asking about bowel movements, genital symptoms, marital conflict, past abortions, food insecurity, adherence to medication, history of trauma or discrimination, substance use, illegal conduct, and suicidal ideation, among others. By bringing up these topics nonjudgmentally and with skill, we are demonstrating openness and making it safe for the patient/parent to ask questions about their own concerns.
Dr. Barbara J. Howard
Since these may be topics for which we lack knowledge or have very little power to help, it is far easier to not bring them up. Yet failing to have the courage to elicit sensitive information may delay the correct diagnosis, result in inappropriate tests or treatments, or miss factors critical in either the cause or solution for the patient’s problems.
Historically, being a physician has conveyed a promise of confidentiality and always trying to do what is best for the patient. The fact that we had to swear an oath to do so may also indicate that these things are not easy to do.
Yes, we need a lot of knowledge to know what is truly in the patient’s best interest. But we need to take personal risks to do it as well. There have been times when a parent has shouted “That is none of your business” at me or stormed out. Although only one patient has ever connected when striking out at me, other clinicians have not been as lucky (or had such small patients); some have even been killed.
For those of us in private practice, upsetting a patient with our well-intentioned words may mean losing them from our income stream or having them post negative comments online, which may affect our reputation in the community. Patients may not return for needed follow-up if a conversation was too uncomfortable for them. Current political divisions make this even trickier.
These days anxiety about getting behind in seeing the next patient may be a covert reason for avoiding difficult conversations as tears or anger take extra time. Certainly, fears of these outcomes can make us hold back from talking about important but potentially upsetting topics.
Of course, courage does not just mean being direct with questions, stating your observations, or giving advice. Courage requires thoughtfulness about possible adverse outcomes and their effect on others. It is not just “stupid bravery,” to proceed even when sensing danger. Courage is thus best paired with skill. It is:
- Setting up potentially difficult discussions with privacy (from the child or parent), seating, and enough time to listen.
- Normalizing questions by saying “I ask all my patients about ...” so patients do not feel singled out.
- Asking the patient or family first what they think is going on and how their own culture might regard the issue.
- Using simple language and arranging a translator when needed.
- Not just stating facts but checking “to be sure I explained well enough” rather than setting a patient up to appear ignorant for not understanding.
- Offering to contact the patient or other family member/support soon to review what you said and answer more questions.
- Offering a second opinion option.
- Promising to get more information when you do not know.
- Always leaving room for hope and sharing in that hope with them.
And it is crucial to have a way to keep notes about past trauma or difficult topics for a patient so neither you nor subsequent clinicians unnecessarily ask about sensitive topics.
Courage includes facing difficult situations without undue delay. Making that call about an abnormal test result right away, even when you are tired and upset, takes courage. Each time you overcome your own reluctance it takes moral strength but tends to make future courageous acts easier. Speaking up to a specialist on rounds when you think he or she is incorrect takes courage to serve the patient’s best interest. Being willing to try a new workflow in your office takes the courage to risk looking awkward or being judged by your team, but can be essential to progress. Asking for help or an opinion, sometimes from a medical assistant or student, can take courage but may reduce status barriers and improve relationships. Standing up for your values when they are not popular may take courage in some organizations. It takes courage to admit a mistake, even when your mistake may not otherwise be noticed.
How can we grow in courage? T. Berry Brazelton, MD, was a model of courage for me during my training – able and willing to tell about a child’s delays or ask about a parent’s well-being with empathy and by giving hope. Dr. Brazelton, pediatrician, developer of the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale, professor at Harvard Medical School and founder of its Child Development Unit, was a world-renowned educator about the development of children and founder of the Touchpoints program. Our goal should be to promise to partner with the family in dealing with the problem, no matter how difficult or tender. I hope you had role models who not only said what to do but also demonstrated it with patients.
We had the privilege of hearing stories of difficult situations from hundreds of pediatricians in group sessions over the years in the Collaborative Office Rounds program. What group members often said that they valued most from these sessions was hearing examples of words they might say in these cases, either modeled by the coleaders or suggested by their pediatrician peers. Opportunities to share the tough times with trusted empathic peers is an important resource rarer and thus even more worth securing for yourself.
Being courageous may not be natural part of your personality but Aristotle said, “We become what we repeatedly do.” Even if you do not consider yourself so now, with practice you can become courageous and reap its benefits for your patients and yourself.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.